A "reckoning." I'll apologize to my 12th grade English teacher for starting with a definition, but "reckoning" is defined as "a settling of accounts", a moment where someone must take responsibility for realities. I've heard this term used quite a bit lately to describe this moment in which, seemingly almost daily, allegations of sexual harassment or abuse are being leveled, and major names are falling left and right. In truth, I think this term fits the time. Or at least I hope it does. A reckoning implies reflection, and as males, fathers, uncles, teachers, men need to reflect on attitudes, and how we think of/speak about/treat women.
I remember vividly how I felt last year when I heard the now infamous "Access Hollywood" tape, in which a man bragged about sexually assaulting a woman. I remember...disgust. I still feel disgust. And as angry as that video made me, I remember being even more frustrated at the excuses made to somehow dismiss this kind of behavior. I remember thinking- "How does someone get away with saying something like that?" And I remember, as I proceeded further in judgment, the personal reflection it sparked in me. What was I contributing to this environment, this reality? A reckoning.
In a country facing countless issues, this has troubled me the most. Perhaps because I am a husband, a father to two young men, a teacher to young men and women I love like my own. Maybe because I am a man. Maybe because of the difficult questions this reckoning poses- Can we project ourselves as an image of moral superiority when we are still trying to figure out right from wrong? What does it truly mean to be a "man"? What are my responsibilities as a father? What are my responsibilities as a teacher?
Perhaps unsurprising in a country that took over 140 years after its founding to figure out women could handle voting, we seem to have become quite good at excusing the mistreatment of women. This mentality has to stop. When Trump's "Access Hollywood" tape came out, I heard from more than one person "boys will be boys"; I heard this man dismiss it as "locker room talk". This mentality has to stop.
Before I proceed further, please understand this reckoning has not spared me. Over the past several months I have been forced to re-evaluate my actions, my sense of humor, my culpability, past and present. In my youth, did I engage in what might be termed as "locker room" banter- yes (although I can safely say nothing to the level of our President). I know, and can say confidently, that this is the extent of my part, but we cannot accept this as ok. I have been forced to think about what I say, do, and think. And while I'm ashamed of certain things I have, in the past, found humorous, this reckoning had to apply to myself. I think about this as I consider solutions, and my responsibility.
The nation-wide reckoning must make its way into every mind, home, and workplace, including our schools. I am a teacher. I am a male teacher. As a teacher I am not simply tasked with teaching my students about the Civil War. I am also guiding my students in life preparation. And our students are emerging into a country in which this reckoning is taking place, where serious questions are, and should be, asked about how a woman should be treated. Examples that might normally serve as role models for our young men are no longer role models. Our students cannot look at their leaders and find inspiration. Our students will have trouble finding that in our celebrities and athletes. Let them find it in us. We are not in the business of sculpting their beliefs on things like politics. But we have to understand that there a few universal truths out there. Racism is wrong. Sexism is wrong. Women deserve to be treated with respect. Our female colleagues must feel safe and protected in their work environment. Our female students must feel safe and protected in their school. Our male students must see examples of good men in their school leaders, and this must extend both to what we project publically and how we behave privately. We cannot demand respect in front of our classrooms and school, and then not extend it when we think we are talking with friends. The truth is that an entire generation of men must relearn the definition of what it means to be a "man", and that has to start with us. Why should we be appalled with a man engaging in what he called "locker-room talk" when we are not going to re-evaluate our actions as well?
It is the responsibility of every school leader to evaluate the culture and environment of their school. Does a woman have to fear working in a school in which they know that comments or jokes are being made that sexually objectify them? Do the women in the building feel safe and protected, and not just in public but also behind closed doors? School leaders must be willing to live what the expect in students.
It is the responsibility of every classroom teacher to do the same. Will our female students enter your classroom knowing that you are there to support them, and will take the actions of other students seriously? Do our students understand that comments and jokes in poor taste will be dealt with strongly and seriously? Will our students know that you are not simply acting these values, but living them as well? Will our students be able to look at you as a positive example?
"It's just locker room talk" cannot cut it anymore. "Boys will be boys" cannot cut it anymore. Women deserve to be treated with respect. They deserve better than being the punch line of a sex joke. There cannot be excuses for objectified behavior. There cannot be justification. There must be consequences for this behavior. I won't say "our country is better than this", because we are not. But we "can be better than this", but this will only come with the kind of critical reflection that is the hardest to make, but always promotes the deepest growth. This requires a reckoning.
